Typical
by walkingcensure
Summary: It’s a bit troubling, he thinks, how a single date can drive a normally logical, sane person to the very brink of lunacy, and be mocked because of it. RS. Oneshot.


The inspiration for this is a drawing of Remus by miss moonytoes (apparently called "Hannah" in real life :o)), the link to which should be located in my profile in a few hours. FF. net takes a while to update profiles. Anyway, enjoy.

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**Typical**

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"It's not too late to back out yet," he tells himself as he straightens out the insufferable, itchy jacket that he shouldn't have been wearing in the first place. He looks up at the mirror to stare irritably at the awkward scars and large nose before going back to his previous business of straightening the crumpled jacket.

It's a sign of how incredibly, pathetically desperate he is, he thinks, that he would go so far as to actually buy flowers. Why had he thought of doing that in the first place? There is something amiss with him today; he knows it. It's a bit troubling how a single date can drive a normally logical, sane person to the very brink of lunacy. He doesn't think he's ever looked at a mirror as often as he has today—

What is _wrong_ with his hair? How had it gotten so long and… and… odd? Had he actually gotten so poor as to not be able to afford a haircut? Then again, he could have just as easily used magic to get a haircut. Why hadn't he, for that matter? He remembered to get flowers, but forgot to get a haircut. To be honest, that's rather unlike him.

With a final shuffling of his hair, which he thinks would have made James Potter proud, he grabs the bare, Spartan flowers perched on the sofa and gets ready to apparate. The loud series of knocks come as a bit of a shock. It doesn't take long for it to stop, however. He hears a loud pop from behind him and swallows in dread. He tries not to panic. He is a bit upset, as now everything is ruined and he has surprisingly ended up seeming even more pathetic than he had intended and expected. He turns around slowly and hopes with all of his resolve that the person behind him is not who he thinks it is.

"Moony?"

Bugger, he thinks.

He turns around and finds himself face to face with Sirius Black, whose face is contorted in such a strange way that it looks as if he'd just swallowed a bitter lemon and is trying exceptionally hard to keep from laughing at how sour it tastes.

"Sorry for barging in," Sirius says, "but you said you'd be at my flat by seven, and as it is now five minutes past, I took the liberty to drop by and check on things. You took a long time to answer the door, so I just let myself in." He looks at Remus with deliberation and grins unthinkingly. "I didn't realize we were supposed to dress up for this, Moony, and… erm… buy flowers."

Remus looks down at the flowers in his hands with horror before throwing them under his coffee table. He would have gladly told Sirius that he was just on his way to throw the rubbish flowers in the bin, but he was never one for lying. He looks up. Sirius is still wearing the same grin, only now his eyebrows are raised. "What's all this, then? Eh?"

Remus shots a glare at Sirius. "Don't even, Sirius. Just go ahead and call me a girl like you obviously want to."

An indignant, shocked look settles on Sirius' face. "I didn't want to call you a girl! I wasn't even thinking about it! Why do you always assume that I like making fun of you?"

"Because you do."

Sirius considers this and knows that he has to agree. "You make a fair point," he says, before slumping down on the couch. He grabs Remus' arm and forces him to join in on the sitting. "So… where shall we go? Tom's? Rosie's? Peter's? James and Lily's? Somewhere fancy to make use of your jacket?"

Remus shrugs. Sirius, he thinks, is rather heartless. Sirius does not care for Remus' feelings as much as Remus cares for Sirius' ego. Remus resents this. Give, give, give, give… When, he wonders, is he ever going to receive?

Remus sighs, and thinks that he is definitely a girl. "I'm definitely a girl," he says.

"Aw, Moony… Were you thinking of giving and receiving again? That thing that you were babbling on about last week?"

Remus does not enjoy this. Sirius is always at him, forcing him to say out loud all the things that he normally would keep to himself. Remus concedes, of course, and gets mockery in return.

Remus knows that, in a situation like this, his best option is silence. It is the one thing that Sirius does not understand.

"Moony… are you gonna be all quiet and weepy now? Fine, I… here… I got you a book." Sirius offers Remus the leather-bound book. As always, his solution to silence is bribery. Typical, Remus thinks.

"I don't want a book."

"Yes, you do."

"You don't know what I want." Remus hopes that he is not pouting, because he hates it when Sirius does it, and does not want to be called a hypocrite.

Sirius smiles and grabs Remus' face with both hands. He does this a bit too roughly than he intended, and decides to give Remus' nose a pinch to remedy his wrong. "Moooooooniiiiiie," he croons. "I _know_ what you want."

Remus keeps from rolling his eyes as Sirius leans closer and brushes his lips against Remus'.

Remus thinks that Sirius will never get it, but he does not voice it out. Frankly, he doesn't mind the kissing.

Sirius knows this and thinks that bribery is delicious.

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**End**


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